I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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