I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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