Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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