maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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