Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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