You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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