Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize