im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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