I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
