Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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