So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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