Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
