you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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