and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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