; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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