"it" just moved
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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