i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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