i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
