What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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