Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
