I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
