like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
