I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
