Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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