I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
