dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dicks are not precious.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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