I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Alive.
So much puke
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
