he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
