I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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