i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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