I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
