Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
