so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
