My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
