4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
