You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
