I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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