even my farts smell like vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
