Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
