Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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