I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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