You're completely useless in the revolution.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
