do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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