The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize