I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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