Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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