Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize