physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
