why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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