she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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