So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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