your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
