We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
