it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
