Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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