I wish I could teleport
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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