I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
