..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
