I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
