And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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