they need to just BURY HIM!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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