new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
