How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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