Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
