i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
