how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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