there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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