omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
