so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
