Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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