my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
