Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
