If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
