she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
