Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
