3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
