what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
