I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
