Only a mothe r could love this liver
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
