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My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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