whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We are two peas in an std pod
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
