why didn't you poke me back
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
