I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
