I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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