I've blown a few things in my day
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
