i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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