Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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